The Oscars’ Best Moments

They came, they saw, they conquered, and now the Oscars are over. This leaves me asking what am I suppose to do with my life now? Now the crappy movies will start to come out and make me even sadder. Why do you do this to me Hollywood? I suppose I have “The Great Gatsby” to look forward to in May, but I have this fear that it won’t actually ever come out because it has been pushed back so many times. So, what are we to do? How do we survive until next award season? I don’t really have an answer to that question, but I do know that the 2013 Oscars had so many great moments that they will tie me over until next year. Top 15 list of my favorite moments? You got it!

15. Channing Tatum- There’s really no explanation for this one. I just like saying his name.

14. Seth MacFarlane hosting- I don’t care what the critics are saying, I thought he was pretty good. He didn’t put me to sleep like Billy Crystal does, so I’d say that’s a good sign. He kept it short and sweet, which we should all appreciate (insert the Oscars are so long complaining joke here). I think he’s a pretty funny dude and it is probably a pretty hard job. I mean those stuffy Hollywood elite don’t laugh at just anything. There’s been complaints he was rude and made too many gay jokes. He’s a comedian people. Who makes “Family Guy.” What were you expecting?

13. Harry Potter appearance- Daniel Radcliffe? What the hey? He’s so weird and hyper. I love him.

12. Mark Wahlberg tells it like it is- Mark and his animated buddy Ted presenting a couple of awards on sound editing or something like that, one of which had two winners. The audience seemed shocked at the Streisand/Hepburn-like tie, so Mark simply told them to calm down because “it’s no B.S.” Marky Mark should be invited to every award show.

11. Jacko presenting “Best Picture” with Mrs. Obama- I don’t know what Michelle thought she was doing, but I wasn’t really paying attention to her. When Jack Nicholson is in a room I can only notice him. Three Oscars don’t lie. He’s amazing. What’s even more amazing than Jack Nicholson? Jack Nicholson hitting on Jennifer Lawrence after the show. Don’t believe me? YouTube it. I’ve watched it like 15 times already.

10. Anne Hathaway and her many controversies- Poor Anne just cannot catch a break. Critics don’t like her speeches, Twitter doesn’t like her um awkward, revealing dress. Why does everyone hate on her so much? I think she is fabulous! So she’s a little dorky when she gives acceptance speeches, but come on can you blame her? She’s just been handed the most coveted award in the world! I think she’s allowed to say stupid things. She’s an Oscar winner now people. Respect her. Keep your head up Anne, you’re friends with Hugh Jackman for God’s sake.

9. All that jazz- What was with all of the “Chicago” stuff? Don’t get me wrong, I love that musical and the movie, but it was so random! Yes, they were celebrating music in movies, but why was there “Chicago” crap everywhere? I guess it was because it has been 10 years since the film won “Best Picture” and not many musicals win the big one. But why did they let Michel Douglas’ wife perform (yes, I refer to her as that because all I think of when I see her is Gordon Gekko. Sorry.)? I mean she lip-synced the whole thing. They should really stop with the musical numbers. That’s what makes the show so long Oscar producers.

8. Adele- You guys Adele has a last name! And now she has Grammys, a Golden Globe, and an Oscar. There is nothing she can’t do! The Academy should just put a stop to musical numbers from here on out and just have Adele sing a song at every Oscar ceremony.

7. “Les Mis” cast can sing- Oh Russell Crowe, God bless you. Ok, even I have to admit this was pretty cool having the whole cast sing. I’m not sure if I get the whole obsession with “Les Mis” just yet, but Hugh and Anne seemed to be having a grand time. Does anyone else think that Eddie kid is kinda hot? I already know the answer, because it’s yes.

6. Babs- Again with the stupid musical numbers that drag on. I suppose I will let this one slide since it was Streisand singing “The Way We Were.” I’d say that’s a pretty awesome Oscar moment! It isn’t every day Babs comes out of hiding and actually sings in front of people. I’m proud of her. She’s legend.

5. The woman who needs no introduction- Meryl Meryl Meryl. Seth said it best. She really doesn’t need any introduction. This was the first year in a while she hasn’t been nominated. It didn’t feel right. Let’s fix that next year Meryl.

4. Dustin Hoffman- My favorite person on the entire planet making jokes about writers and eventually presenting an Oscar to Quentin Tarantino (who by the way was giving out piece signs like crazy. I love to hate that crazy man, but I do love what he said about this being the year of the writer. Hurray!). Dusty why are you so perfect and adorable? Great, now I just want to watch “The Graduate” and wish I can some day be as cool as Dusty.

3. Christoph Waltz the evil genius- Is anyone else as obsessed with Christoph Waltz as I am? I’ll answer that for you; no. He is the most fascinating actor on the planet. Sweetest guy in real life, evilest genius that ever lived on screen. Has he ever played a good guy? In “Django” (spoiler alert) he actually turns out to be a good dude, but that still doesn’t make up for the fact that he’s a bounty hunter. Ugh, why is he so cool! Was DiCaprio not even at the Oscars? Sorry, I didn’t notice because Christoph Waltz’s awesomeness was so blinding. Good thing he now has two Oscars to prove how amazing he is to everyone else.

2. Affleck and the “Argo” crew- I told you back in October when it came out that “Argo” was winning “Best Picture.” I know my stuff and I know my Affleck. Did anyone else notice all of the subtle “oh hey Ben should have been nominated for ‘Best Director’ because he totally would have won” jabs his crew was giving out during their “Best Picture” acceptance speech? Whatever Benny who cares! You got “Best Picture!” A year from now nobody is going to know what “Life of PI” is. “Argo” is already an instant classic. You win some you loose some and Ben Affleck definitely won Sunday night.

1. JLaw- The best thing to come out of this year’s Oscars? Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence. I was literally sweating and shaking the whole show waiting for them to get to the “Best Actress” category. But, I knew that it was going to be Jen. She’s the next Meryl. Seriously (I’m not wrong about these things. See “Argo” example above). The best part about JLaw winning? Girl falls on her way to receive the greatest thing she has ever been awarded and immediately laughs it off and gets up on that stage and cracks a joke about it. Want to know why we like her so much? She’s a real person. End of story. Don’t feel bad for her either. After the show in the press room she was joking about it and you could tell she really doesn’t give a crap what people think of her. Jack Nicholson’s new girlfriend is a real role model and now an Oscar winner. I also loved how happy B. Coops looked for her. Don’t worry Bradley we’ll get them next time. Try to pick a good role in a year when Daniel Day Lewis isn’t nominated.

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