Summer Movie Project Round Three: “Return of the Jedi”

Well, I’ve made it to the half way point and all I have to say is “THAT’S IT?!” I mean no wonder Disney thinks they have to make more of these things! I cannot be the only one that thinks that nothing happens in these movies. Actually, a lot happens, but nothing is ever explained! I assume I will get more explanation to everything with the second trilogy, but I mean come on! What did people do back in the 70s and 80s? They just went along with it? Despite all of my complaints about “Star Wars” and all of the preconceived notions I had about it that came true, I have to admit that I have overall enjoyed them.

Maybe it’s because I respect George Lucas for creating this insane world and actually making it work. Maybe it’s because the old school special effects make me feel nostalgic for the good old days of movies, or maybe it’s because my love of Harrison Ford trumps everything clearly missing from the story-telling elements of the trilogy. I mean you all have to admit that “Star Wars” is good for action and adventure fun, but totally lacks in the emotional story-telling department. I assume that Luke Skywalker and Han Solo are suppose to be besties by “Return of the Jedi” because of every other movie like this I have seen, but I can never tell for sure because they spend zero time together. When they are together in one scene they just look at each other and say “Han!”…”Luke!” Glad we know each others names guys. I don’t want to complain too much here because I do like both of their characters. I think the series needs both of them to work, but I just wish it was less about the absolutely disgusting creatures that Lucas adds and more about how these guys became friends and saved the galaxy together. I just wish there was more emotion between the main characters. Darth Vader seems to have the most emotion, which is probably not what I’m suppose to get out of these movies, but whatever. I’ve concluded that he does not scare me even a little bit because he is Mufasa (90s kids get it). And the biggest shock I’ve gotten out of this whole thing so far is that he turns out to 1. NOT be the number one bad guy in charge and 2. He turns out to be good in the end, then dies. I suppose it has to be this way because then Luke could come to terms with his daddy issues and realize that his dad did have good in him.

As long as I’m on the subject of family, let’s talk Luke and Leia. My favorite part of the whole trilogy is when Luke finally realizes that Leia is his sister. Why is it the best? Obi Wan doesn’t even tell him, he just concludes on his own that she must be his sister because she is the only female he knows (except for maybe that lady who was with the fish captain dude. Who the hell was she?!). What also makes it great is the fact that he doesn’t even care or seem to remember that they sucked face. Then when he finally tells her, Leia is all like yeah I always knew. Then why would you kiss him?! Ugh. Han’s reaction was the most normal one to this weird news. He was all like I know you love Luke and Leia was all like yeah, but because he’s my brother and Han’s face was like EW THAT IS WEIRD AND GROSS and now I’m at a loss for words. Luckily, one of those teddy bear things (loved them actually) saved the day and ended the awkward scene.

Now, I can’t rant about the unnecessary brother/sister relationship anymore and yes, I know I’m focusing way too much on it, but it’s only because I have finally decided that I love Luke. I didn’t find him too whiny at all. I’m actually really sad that he’s not going to be in the next three movies I have to watch (Here’s to hoping Mark Hamill signs on to be in the new Disney movies! Because I really don’t think I could survive them without him). I also feel really bad that Luke finds out he made out with his sister for no reason because she was clearly just trying to make Han jealous and then he ends up with no girl and his dad dies! Poor guy! Sure, he saves the galaxy, but he ends up lonely! I feel bad for him! That’s why he needs to be in more movies because he is so adorable (even in his now oldish age) and because I have to know what happens to him! I am not afraid to say that I love him and that it was the one emotional attachment I felt while watching all three of these movies. Sorry, but I’m not sorry. He’s not whinny. He’s adorable.

Lastly, I just need to vent a little about the gross creatures that we have to endure during the first half hour of “Return of the Jedi.” Jabba the Hutt. What is that crap? Gross. I know he’s a puppet, but he is a potential nightmare just waiting to happen. And let me just say that I did not expect the famous slave outfit to be THAT revealing! No wonder nerds supposedly obsess over it! Coodos to Leia for wearing the dang thing! Gesh! But honestly I think the movie could have done without him. He scares me more than Darth Vader and kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I did really enjoy the battle that broke out when they escape from him, though. So, I guess he was good for a little something there. I’m just glad he was killed and won’t be popping up again. Also, what is with the night club scenes and the one lady creature singing? I laughed so hard. And I decided I like Yoda now. He was really cute and sweet in this movie and easier to understand. But maybe that was because he was on his death bed. Oh well, I look forward to more of him in the other trilogy.

So, in conclusion to my first viewing of the original “Star Wars” movies I have to say that they are nerdy, dated, and lack major emotion, but overall I think I may be in love. I get it now ok George Lucas? I get it. I’m in the loop now. I like “Star Wars” and more importantly Luke Skywalker. Now I’m just afraid that I won’t like the other trilogy because Luke won’t be there being adorable and innocent and Han won’t be there to crack smart ass comments. I’m already mad at Natalie Portman for falling in love with Darth Vader (sorry I had to Wikipedia to figure some stuff out!). I feel like it just won’t be as fun. Maybe it will be, though. After all, I used to not like “Star Wars” and now I do. You never know what a little pop culture magic can do to you. Once again, I patiently await the arrival of Episode I in the mail from Netflix. Until next time, wish me luck!

Sincerely,
A now true believer in “Star Wars.” Sorry mom.

P.S.- Leia, I am not as mad at you as I was during “The Empire Strikes Back.” If you come back for the new movies let’s stay friends. I don’t want to have to dislike you.

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