The Golden Globe Awards are this Sunday on NBC, which means we finally get to see who may have a shot at an Academy Award this year. Maybe. Most of the time the Globes give away awards to some real head-scratchers. Probably because everybody is drunk. But the best award shows are the ones that you can drink at because people won’t be as outraged when they find out the Hollywood Foreign Press Association accidentally gave awards to people like Lena Dunham (more on that later) and wrongfully nominated Taylor Swift. And, of course, the Globes will once again have Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to navigate the festivities. Amy, please sit in Clooney’s lap again. As always, let me give you a run down of the people, shows, and movies I think should win and who the Globes will fortunately (or sometimes unfortunately) choose.
First, we will start with the movie categories:
BEST MOTION PICTURE-DRAMA:
Should Win- Here’s the problem with this category. Most of these movies are all out of theaters already and stuck in no man’s land (out of theaters, not on DVD). So, unfortunately, I’ve only seen one of them. I saw “Gravity” and it was as brilliant as you heard, but just because a movie is different doesn’t mean it deserves an award. Also, I’ve found this year that if a movie doesn’t have Jennifer Lawrence in it then I’m less likely to care. Just a thought.
Will Win- I have a feeling that “12 Years a Slave” is going to be this year’s “Argo.”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA:
Should Win- Emma Thompson. It takes a lot for an actor to play a real life person. It takes even more to play a snobby old lady and still make an audience love her. “Saving Mr. Banks” got snubbed at the Globes in a lot of ways and it’s nice to see that at least its star is doing Mary P. some good.
Will Win- I’ve been having this sinking feeling since October that Sandra Bullock was going to take home gold this year for “Gravity.” It’s a sinking feeling because, although I love Sandra Bullock and think she’s a freaking genius, I also don’t think her breathing heavily for two hours in space warrants any awards. Many think otherwise, though.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA:
Should Win- I might be going out on a limb here, but who cares! I used to think Matthew McConaughey was a bumbling surfer idiot. Then I saw him in “Magic Mike” and changed my mind. No, not because he always takes his shirt off, but rather because of the fact that he can actually act. McConaughey lost an enormous amount of weight to play an HIV positive man in “Dallas Buyers Club.” Absolutely insane and brilliant. As long as I’m not feeling emotionally invested in a lot of the movies this year, I’m going to say “screw it” and support McConaughey all the way.
Will Win- Oh, I don’t know. Probably the guy from “12 Years a Slave” (And I’m sure he also probably deserves it).
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL:
Should Win- Here we go! Now I’m tied between two of my greatest loves: David O. Russell and Martin Scorsese. Damn. As long as “American Hustle” or “Wolf of Wall Street” wins I don’t care which one it is. Side note: for those of you who say “American Hustle” is boring and doesn’t make sense, go watch Scorsese’s “The Departed” and then try to complain about something being totally awesome, but also very confusing at the same time.
Will Win- This is so hard. Reason I lose sleep at night! I’m actually really leaning towards “Wolf” unless that ridiculous Coen brothers’ movie sneaks in, which they are known to do.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL:
Should Win- Amy Adams. No questions asked.
Will Win- Probably Meryl, right? Yeah, probably Meryl.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY:
Should Win- LEO LEO LEO.
Will Win- Dear God, let it be Leo!
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE:
Should Win- It’s rare that I get more excited about the supporting categories than even the best picture categories. This year happens to be a great year for supporting actresses. Remember how Anne Hathaway killed everything last year for “Les Mis?” Remember how she was only in “Les Mis” for like 20 minutes? Those of you who have seen “American Hustle” know that you were probably bored half the time because you were waiting for Jennifer Lawrence to appear on screen. But she often never came. If you add it all up I bet J-Law is only in “American Hustle” for about 20 minutes, too. But those 2o minutes are definitely enough to garner a Golden Globe, if not an Oscar.
Will Win- I have a feeling J-Law is going to have another good year.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE:
Should Win- If Jared Leto doesn’t win this and the Oscar than I do not understand what is wrong with Hollywood and life itself. Leto plays a transvestite in “Dallas Buyers Club” and he is beyond perfect. It will freak you out and make you cry and wonder why Leto still even bothers with music (kidding though because I love him and everything he does).
Will Win- Jared Leto. Mostly because I refuse to believe otherwise.
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE:
Should Win- David O. Russell. It’s about time David gets recognized for his work.
Will Win- If Scorsese isn’t even nominated then what’s the point of this category again?
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE:
Should Win- What? Terence Winter isn’t nominated for “The Wolf of Wall Street?”
Will Win- What? Terence Winter isn’t nominated for “The Wolf of Wall Street?” I really hope the Academy won’t make the same mistake.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE:
Should Win- I’d be down for anything Justin Timberlake wrote with the Coens.
Will Win- So help me God, if Taylor Swift… I can’t even finish that sentence. Do you know how sick it makes me that she’s not only nominated again, but with Jack Antonoff from FUN. Like, what? Jack, why was your greatness even in the same room as her? No HFPA. Just no.
A note before I look at the Television categories. First, as many people know, I do not like watching “Drama” shows. This is mainly because they get dull after the first few seasons (I hear “Homeland” has become that show) and unless they are like “Breaking Bad” and end on top, they usually just end up annoying me. With that being said, I hope “Breaking Bad” sweeps the TV drama categories. Show them how it’s done Walt! I will, as always, only comment on the categories that matter to me, a normal human that doesn’t have time or money to spend watching Claire Danes cry all day long and watch a show called “Masters of Sex.”
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL:
Should Win- “Parks and Recreation.” If you don’t get it by now, I really don’t know what I can do for you. Funniest show on Television. My personal favorite.
Will Win- Oh, you know, something stupid like “Girls” (I’ve tried watching and I just do not get it).
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL:
Should Win- Amy Poehler Amy Poehler Amy Poehler.
Will Win- Lena Dunham. Ugh. I can’t help it. She seems very nice, but I just do not find her or “Girls” funny at all. Awkward whininess is not funny to me.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL:
Should Win- How cool would it be if Jason Bateman or Andy Samberg won? I would be eternally grateful.
Will Win- Possibly Michael J. Fox? I mean, everyone loves him. I do too, but his show did steal John Mulaney’s show’s spot on NBC. I still don’t really understand how that happened. Just wait until Mulaney is in with this mix of men next year (Um hello! His show starts taping on Friday!!!).
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION:
Should Win- “Behind the Candelabra”
Will Win- “Behind the Candelabra.” This one is kind of obvious.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION:
Should Win- Actually, I think Matt Damon deserves this. If you’ve seen “Behind the Candelabra” you know that it must have taken a lot for him to play the role of Liberace’s lover.
Will Win- Michael Douglas, which is deserved as well.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION:
Should Win- This is SUCH a weird category this year. There are a lot of woman here that have never even been nominated before. I would, however, like to see Sofia Vergara win for once for “Modern Family.”
Will Win- I honestly have no clue! This category will be a lot of fun that’s for sure!
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION:
Should Win- Aaron Paul. Obviously. I will forever be in love with Jesse Pinkman.
Will Win- Aaron Paul. If the HFPA has any self respect and dignity left they will agree.