I’ve been staring at this blank page for a while now. Months in fact.
I know what I have to say. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.
Funny how that always happens, isn’t it? We have such gut instincts about what we want, but we’re always afraid to let those feelings out.
When I started this blog I was in college. It was for a class. At first it was about random things. A trashy reality TV show I caught or a Nirvana song I thought was super cool at the time would serve as my writing inspirations. Eventually that peeked my interested in comedy and film. I started writing about late-night shows and Oscar bait. There were times in college when this blog served as my sanctuary, a place where I could be myself and escape for a moment from the massive amounts of schoolwork and job applications I had to deal with.
And then I graduated. I got a big kid job. I got a big kid apartment and started dealing with big kid things like bills, parents, and faulty smoke alarms. Even then, this space served as an escape from my stresses to talk about things that interested me.
My interests haven’t changed necessarily even now. But lately I’ve felt a pull towards different interests. Maybe it’s been a part of growing up in the last year or so. Maybe it’s because I find myself using my free time to be social and be with friends and family rather than in front of my computer screen. Or maybe it’s because I find myself wanting to write more about the things happening to me, rather than a character or personality on screen.
You’ll notice that I took a break from this blog for a while. I haven’t posted in quite some time. I needed to step away for a minutes and consider my options. What am I passionate about? What do I want to write about? How am I different from the person I was in college?
A lot has happened to me in the last six months alone. Things that I never would have expected myself to go through. On the outside looking in, I sometimes feel incredibly angry and confused by things that have transpired in my personal life. I never thought I would be “that girl.” This new creative restlessness I’ve been feeling lately has come from two huge heartbreaks I’ve had to endure in the last year. One involves a heartbreak of my own, the other the heartbreak of a friend. Both of the sources of these heartbreaks have driven me to do a lot of things the old me would have never done; losing sleep, drinking too much, and wanting to make changes in my life.
And although I don’t feel it appropriate to disclose every detail about the last six months of my life on the Internet, I will tell you that recent events have made me realize that my writing serves a much more powerful purpose that goes beyond this blog. So, after spending a lot of time thinking about all of this and the direction I want my writing and personal perspective to go, I have decided to end “Am I Watching Too Much TV?”
Don’t freak. I’ll still be writing, more frequently than ever I hope. Starting in June you can find me over on my website – www.stephaniekocer.com. I won’t tell you everything you’ll find there just yet, but I can tell you that I’ve finally decided to embrace a few life-long obsessions of mine, as well as trying really hard to learn to love things I’ve harshly judged in the past. And I’m sure I will still have the occasional post about Seth Meyers. There are some things that never change.
This site will remain live until then. I may leave it up just in case I feel the need for a return someday. And because I know there’s a really great “Wolf of Wall Street” blog on here that I’m just not ready to part with yet.
Change is never an easy thing. But sometimes jumping into the unknown and discovering new things about yourself really helps you sleep a little better at night. It’s about the journey, right?
All good things have to come to an end at some point. This blog was such a good thing. It served me well. And now it’s time to move on and conquer new fears and listen to where my brain and heart are telling me to go. If I’ve learned anything this last year, it’s that I need to start listening to myself, because I’m far smarter than I give myself credit for.
So I’ll leave you with that. Every new beginning comes from some beginnings’ end. Ah, the 90s.
I hope to see you over at my new site soon!